cracking

you know how, near the end of "donnie darko" donnie is just sitting on his bed laughing to himself?

well, I keep catching myself doing that. Just constantly cracking up at the playback inside my brain. I wonder, is that good or bad?

Family Surival Kit

Well, here I am, preparing for another christmas season.....

I'm leaving this city on friday afternoon, and everybody wants a piece of me before I go..... the chiropractor, the homeopathic doctor, the little green men..... you name it, I've I got 'em booked. Every day this week is rush rush rush and the dogs are getting irate. I'm ultra tired, I'm broke (post christmas shopping) and I've contracted poison ivy.... again.... I think.... only God knows how.

Traditionally, Christmas is my least favorite time of year, as my family is very complicated, and demanding, and co-existing with them is the true test of the fortitude of my boundaries. I find it getting easier every year, and so I don't feel the dread I usually do. Still, there's a sense of melancholy that comes over me every year. The lights, the music, the snow, the (seemingly) perpetual night. It all makes me a little bit sad, which is a vast improvement over the the disgust and annoyance that used to engulf me.

It's funny, at Christmas, how we suddenly become preoccupied with goodwill, and giving, and charity. As though these things shouldn't be paramount every other day of the year. It seems indicative of our depravity, that we focus on these qualities so seldom.

There was a complicated situation involving a former co-worker. He has been arrested. I feel that I should visit him, wherever they're keeping him, so I'll be trying to find out how I can go about doing that. Everything about the situation is brand new to me, and I'm feeling conflicted and uncertain, but the conviction is there, and I have to follow it. It's time to begin obeying my inner leading, despite the unpleasant alternative-ending-scenarios dancing around in my head.

So I'll be seeking God on that. I don't know what that means, it's leftover language from when I thought I understood prayer and God's will. What a strange state of limbo I find myself in. This is where my true beliefs influence my behaviour while my rationalized beliefs are forced to take the bench. It's probably good for me. I guess I should call the police station now.

later, happy holidays.

Night Of The Ninja

seriously, who has time to write? I wanna be a ninja.