Saturday, March 17, 2007

Today I actually want to say something, but can't come up with anything. I know that I need to spend some serious time in contemplation this weekend, because I'm feeling totally drained in a spiritual sense, though I'm in a pretty good mood. My plan is to get my stuff done earlier today so that I can do some quiet time later on. I think I'm going out tonight but I don't know when. I want to get my shopping done, a little bit of cleaning, get the dogs to the park, workout, and then down time for whatever time I'm left with before I need to go out. Saturdays really are getting hectic for me.

As far as fear is concerned, I feel like I'm somewhat in control again. I'm starting to see how there are legitimate fears that I can expect to experience. Realizing I'm afraid of something does not somehow brand me incapable, chickenshit, or weak. It just means that I'm human, and I have a choice. There are things about my past and present life that I can't change, but as always, my reaction is entirely my decision. I feel like I'm in a better place, because I've learned how to see through my emotional responses to the fear that's causing them, and I've learned ways of managing them. I don't think there's such a thing as a fearless person. I think people who seem fearless are simply very skilled at controlling their fears, instead of the other way around.

My goal as ever is to grow and find balance. I want to contemplate matters of spirituality, and I want to get in shape, and I want to manage my household, and I want a healthy amount of socialization and entertainment. I don't know about the rest of you, but I find this a very delicate balance to maintain. I don't understand how other people can do it. I want to make excuses, like, they work less, or they have more energy, or they have a spouse to at least help out a bit.... but making excuses doesn't improve my situation. So why do it?

So. I'm going to Portland in May, providing I get my passport in time. Any of y'all live in portland? Near portland? adjacent to portland? Know someone cool in portland? I'll be there for a week, we can have coffee.

Now to go out and get domestic.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Cliff said...

Ursa, You have such a unique way of looking at life. I have never been to Portland but I'm sure you will have a great time.

March 18, 2007 12:45 AM  

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