Tuesday, January 30, 2007

by way of update

Let me just say, ew, the new blogger is uuuuuugly and I feel violated at being forced to create a google account. Google practically runs the planet by now. Internet capitalism..... I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Today I decided that I want to be a ninja. Whether this is an option or not remains to be seen. I shall contact the local dojo and see what the scoop is.

My car was a "best case scenario" and cost relatively little to fix, and Abu recovered beautifully from her digestive malfunction. Since then I had a somewhat suspicious tire puncture and was forced to buy new tires. All said and done, it's been a very expensive month. Here's hoping the trend ends here.

I have been reading "The Cosmic Trilogy" by C.S. Lewis (remind me to change the reading list) and it's been every bit as good as I remember. I particularly love the second book, Perelandra, and how it deals with the themes of disappointment and contentedness. It talks about releasing the "hoped for good" when you are presented with an "unexpected good." That is to say, when you were hoping for a month free of car breakdowns and were given instead a busted water pump and a slashed tire. I can accept the "good" with which I am presented by allowing myself to change and adjust and improve, or I can cling to the disappointment of not getting what I wanted. If I choose to cling, I will be unhappy. If I choose to adjust, I will grow.

It took me a day to decide, and then I chose adjustment. I did this by breathing very deeply, accepting the sacrifices that might need to be made, and then adopting a new budgeting technique to streamline my future spending and limit my compulsive buying.

It's really come home to me lately the degree to which I create my own problems, or complicate my own life. Not that I have a lot of problems, but when I do, I am the one who created them. That's not to say that I slashed my own tire. But a slashed tire is not a problem unless I allow it to be. Otherwise it is a round piece of rubber with a hole in it.

If I feel I haven't got enough money, I have to realize that I created that problem 8 years ago when I decided not to get a post secondary education. If I don't like my job, I create that problem every day by not getting another one. I know that sometimes it seems like there aren't any options, or maybe too many to just pick one. But I am the only person to blame for my undecisiveness. There's no use in being a victim of my own choices.

While I'm on the topic, I'm learning alot at work about people creating their own problems, complicating their own lives, and never seeing how they do it to themselves. I'm in a frame of mind where self examination seems like a worthwhile pastime. I think it leads to a more objective understanding of how life is dictated by our thoughts and attitudes.

However, if I'm gonna be a ninja, I'll need to get in shape. So I'll be going now. I hope this was satisfactory for the time being. I just haven't been in the mood for blogging lately. But I am thinking about putting an article together. I think it would be good for me.

stay out of trouble

2 Comments:

Blogger SocietyVs said...

Great blog and update. I think introspection is an art that a lot of busy people have forgetten about - damn Capitalism!

I also have come to a lot of the same realizations in my own life - that I create my problems - and I also need to end those same problems (my call to being responsible for my actions). I'm down with it all.

February 01, 2007 7:39 PM  
Blogger BruceD said...

I love the way you think, my little ninja friend! Keep thinking aloud, I grow every time I hear you.

February 04, 2007 5:27 PM  

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