it doesn't rain, it snows

I've had a really bad day. My car is leaking antifreeze and my dog is pooing blood.

So, I spent the day stressing and trying to figure out what to do with my car, and the evening at the vet. By the time this week is done I expect my savings to be pretty much back at square one. It might put a cramp in my california plans, which I have been really looking forward to. Grrr.....

It's funny where my head goes in times like this, where I honestly don't know how I'm gonna manage things. My instinct goes to prayer, but then I berate myself for my "fairweather friend" attitude. I wonder about God, does He get sick of us always coming with our problems? I never want to ask God for help, it's like always needing help from the people who always help you, but to whom you have nothing to offer.

But you know, times like these are good for growth. I can get grouchy, or I can decide to learn something. I can develop better habits, I can streamline my spending. I get to harness my reactions and measure my responses. A beneficial spirituality needs to hold water in good times and bad. How is mine holding up right now? Is it making me a better person, is it improving the way I live my life?

I think that the human characteristics we hang on God are just our own constructs designed to help us to process the whole concept of God.... and how we react with Him. He's really not like people at all. I doubt that He gets testy when He only hears from us when our bank accounts are overdrawn and our loved ones are ill. I've chosen to throw an SOS out there, but you know, I think that God's help doesn't come in miraculously reproducing money, or healing radiators, or anything like that. God's help comes from within, since that is where He resides.

His help comes in a calm resolve to make the best of what I've got, in ideas and answers to the question "what will you do now?"

That is always the question, isn't it? too often, the answer to that question is "I'm going to complain and give up." What will I do now? I will modify my budgeting technique, and I will take each moment as it comes, and I will focus on the overwhelming positives in my life. And they are quite overwhelming. I've had a bad day, but I feel that only good will come of it, if I so choose.

So. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm crossing my fingers for a blown gasket.... that would be so much cheaper than a cracked block. See ya round.