Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Merry Drive Home and a Happy Peaceful Night in My Very Own House

So.... Christmas.

Thank God it's over, right? I mean, I hate Christmas so much less than I used to, but my tolerance is still astoundingly low. This year, Abu and I ran out of juice at about the same time. My sister and I had an unpleasant argument shortly before Abu and my dad's dog, Rocky, had a fight. When she'd gotten over her limp, she growled at my little brother, whereupon she learned exactly how I feel about dogs growling at children. After that, the two of us where in foul tempers and I am only too grateful that the morning after was the morning we hit the road.

Up until that point, things actually went quite smoothly, by anyone else's definition. But if you know me at all, and then you envision me in perfectly clean and steril pink stucco development without a moment to myself, or a bed to myself, or a room to myself, or even my girls to help keep my irritation in check.... well..... you're picturing a very tense little bear with a very short little temper. I think I did very well, considering the circumstances.

But now I'm home, and I'm thrilled. I'm making some exciting plans and I have lots of video footage to sift through. Now that christmas is over I can go ahead and pick up that Joan of Arcadia box set, and that "alchemist" book, get that tattoo, play lots of video games, eat lots of popcorn and drink a little bit of beer.

I was just reflecting to my friend on msn, the difference between the love between family members, and the love between friends. Seems like with families, love is characterized by selfish demands and emotional obliviousness. The love between friends is usually much more considerate and accomodating. I spent a lot of time today wondering why this appears to be so. I wonder if "family love" is laced with the sort of contempt that is bred of familiarity. It's a strange dynamic, but I came away from this holiday with the conviction that I would learn how to weed the selfishness from my love for my family, that I would make an effort to hear how they're feeling, that I would commit to trying not to hurt them. Even though it seems that hurting each other is considered an acceptable way for us to communicate.

I may not be allowed to voice my feelings or complain of their lack of sensitivity. But I would love to bring a little emotional pacifism into those relationships. If I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna have to be the one who refuses to hit back.

That should be pretty easy, since I'm now here, and they're way over there. I planned it that way. I've set myself up for success, if you will. Do a little reading and you will find that this is the best way to train a dog. If it works on dogs, it's bound to work on me.

1 Comments:

Anonymous geo said...

sounds like you had a pretty "normal" Christmas! You are right on about family and friends and our actions around each. I think it has to do with trusting family to never leave and with our friends we are not quite sure of their reaction if they know "the real me" Then again that me be just a bullshit excuse? hahaha! Good Joy to you this season and may the New Year be ALL you had envisioned it to be.

Peace
Geo

December 27, 2006 4:45 AM  

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